THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE A FAMILY BUSINESS

This article appeared originally in Mumbai Mirror, of the Times Of India group.

Family Affairs

Gitanjali Prasad, author of The Great Indian Family: New Roles, old
Responsibilities, talks to Rishi Majumder on families she's written
off and ones she hasn't discussed

Where do you think the joint family will stand in the future?
I've discussed in my book that multigenerational families are
re-emerging even in the west. In India, I think it will definitely
endure. The joint family has changed of course – whereas earlier the
older generation laid down firmly the law of the household, today the
joint family accommodates the individual far more.

And what impact do you think women working has had?
Well, she's become economically independent. She doesn't have to marry
someone, but can do so when she feels it'll benefit her. And even
after marriage she has other options available to her – she'll only
stay in the marriage if it's beneficial. Her entry into the workplace
also means there should be a 'free' person to look after personal
needs. In the course of my survey I did mean one house-husband. In the
US one-third of the women in senior positions in the top 500 companies
have house-husbands. Also, the concept of 'home' or 'family' also
changes because there is nobody at home. This means relatives don't
come over every now and then but meet only due to necessity or
occasion.

So how does a working woman deal with growing kids?
Women have tried crèches, leaving children with grandparents or
staying in a joint family. But the answer is really the reduction of
work pressure and a change in the style of functioning. All jobs don't
need a hands-on physical presence – it happens as a result of habit.
Phillipines for instance has a four day week.

And Indian husbands and fathers? Where do they chip in?
I'd actually give Indian men a very clean chit. As per my survey
they've been very supportive, and extremely connected and caring
fathers. More so than their western counter parts, in fact.

You've spoken about work taking over family time in your book as well.
Elucidate…
Middle class India is very achievement oriented. There's no dignity of
labour in our country, so from infancy an entire generation is taught
to vie for the 'prize job'. Even the education is linked to what will
get you that enviable position. You don't see many parents pushing
their children to study the history of art. This drive takes its toll
on family commitments as well. But quite soon Indians will have to
look at what's really important to them. There are signs of that
happening already – the rise in spiritualism amongst all age groups,
for instance. Then there are IIM graduates I've heard of, who've
gotten into teaching or started an NGO. We'll see more of such
instances in the future.

What replaces the relationships one would form with so many joint
family members, where this family is not there?
Friends could, but what I see really is technology! One finds children
playing games on the computer or searching the internet much more,
even as opposed to going out to play with friends. True cyberspace
does create scope for a lot more interaction but it's not all that
healthy. Physical presence and touch is an essential aspect of any
relationship, which cyberspace cannot provide. Just as SMSing cannot
replace the value of the human voice!

How do you think the children of single parents get affected?
Research shows the cause of the parent being single makes the
difference. Being the widow of a war hero would have a different
impact on the child from being separated from one's spouse after a
long drawn divorce. There are also cases where the parent is single
temporarily because one parent has to be away on a job for 6 months to
a year at a stretch. But, all this aside, I have found it's perfectly
possible for any single parent to bring up a healthy, well adjusted
child.

And what about adopted children?
Well, they do want to know their biological parents, especially when
they enter adolescence. This is difficult to deal with especially
because adolescence is anyhow a turbulent period for parents and their
offspring. However, the sense of bonding with the parents who brought
them up supercedes the attachment they feel towards their biological
parents. There should be no problem if you provide them with a healthy
home.

You haven't spoken about a same-sex family or the possibility in your book…
That's because same-sex families don't make up 1 percent of families
in the UK even. See, if two people are committed to the idea of
parenthood, the child should grow up well-adjusted. It'll just feel an
absence of a parent from the other sex… like it's being brought up in
a house-hold with a mother, aunt and grandmother… which is common. But
our society has stronger biases than the west, and if people start
talking about the sexual factor in such a family, the child might be
affected adversely